worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
