something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
