I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
