Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
