our cab driver is having phone sex.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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