dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
