I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
