then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
