I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
