sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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