Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
