Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
