It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
