i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
