OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
