An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
This beer is not sobering me up at all
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
