You're my little dorito
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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