i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
