i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
