smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
