What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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