We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
