I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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