I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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