i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
