Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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