my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
