its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
