I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
