I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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