Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
50% drunk capacity currently
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
