I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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