Just fell off a train. Bad.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
