I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
