Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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