she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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