Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
