we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
