I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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