So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
