I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
