i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
