I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
