So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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