She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
