FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
