I skipped work to stalk him.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
