woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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