It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
