its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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