I wish I could punch you in the face.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
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