Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
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