It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
