Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
