Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
