its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
